Truthful And Free


We wish for things, and when our wishes are not granted, we feel sad. We expect things, and when the norms upon which we grounded our expectations are violated, we get mad. We intend to change the situation so we can be granted our wishes or we can redeem the violation, but at times, we just cannot. We feel helpless. To make our helplessness more palatable, we say to ourselves that we just don’t care. But we know inside that we really do care. If we didn’t care, we wouldn’t have been sad or mad in the first place. We are stuck.

Life, however, is constantly moving and does not accept stagnation. We act. We tell our wish to the other person, and if it’s legitimate, we hope that by making our desires clear, our wish will be granted. At times, we communicate our sadness in order to be authentic and express ourselves or to strategically move the other person and change her position. The other person then recognizes us and understands or is moved and influenced by our expression, and then acts accordingly. We make explicit the particular norm that’s been violated. As the person being called out recognizes the norm, she apologizes and corrects her transgression. At times, we express our anger communicatively, if we are entitled to express such feelings in that specific context, or we even do so strategically, to move the other person to change. Our act invites a second action from the other person according to whether she chooses to dialogue and understand or be influenced by our action. The interactions continue.

However, we can also choose to abstain from acting. We can choose to be free from engaging in action. We cannot deny that we care. We are not choosing inaction because we don’t care, and it’s not because we are helpless, either. We are free. We abstain because we are free.

We wish, and we expect. Our desires and the norms to which we assent are what constitute our identities. That is all true, of course, but it is also true that we are free to decide not only what to do with our wishes and expectations but also to decide what constitutes these wishes and expectations themselves. We can give our wish a different shape or choose a different path for our desire. We can wish something different and still be. We enact a higher norm to explain the other person’s actions, or we choose to simply forgive. We are not stuck, and we find hope in our freedom to move on.

But as we choose to be free, our free selves question if we are truly free or if we are choosing freedom because we have no other choice. Our reflections quickly bring to our awareness the uncertainty of whether we really do mean it when we say, “I mean what I say.”

When we are being free, we know—before anyone else does—if we are being truthful to ourselves. I am only free if I can be truthful. But could I be truthful if I were not free?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Need Your Help

                                                  “How can I help when someone I love develops cancer?” This seems to be a simple question, and the answer can be both easy and difficult. A simple answer is the fact that you cannot help if your aim is to cure them. You also may not be helping if your plan is to bring a casserole and then leave as quickly as possible. True, there is no formula that fits everyone, and true, you may not be able to cure your loved one’s illness, but you can do something meaningful. You can be with them, and you can give them care and kindness. This sounds like a cliché, but I am far from wanting to reaffirm an old adage. To be there for someone and to provide kindness and care are easily said or thought, but are neither easily done nor attainable for everyone. When someone we love suffers, we hurt, too. Witnessing pain is painful. And when we hurt, many of us tend to avoid what causes the pain. At other times, we may forget, a
Read more

Just Put It in a Box!

I drew a box on my iPad. Because it did not look like a box, I wrote its name next to it: “Box.” I created the box to open it when I want and close it when I want. This became a conceptual tool, although it is odd to say the box is a tool in my toolbox. This makes it a box in a box. I woke up the next day and decided to use my box. I gently wrapped my sadness and left it at the bottom. Then I locked it. “This morning, I am a doctor! My focus is on taking care of my patients. I will take care of my sadness another time.” But then the first person who saw me asked, “How are you doing? Are you OK?” I was disappointed. My box was not locked enough to keep my feelings from others’ curiosity. Sometimes, we wish no one would ask us how we feel. We make a choice to hide our feelings, lock them in a safe place, and carry on. But people want to know. Some people are nosy. Many truly care. And others just think it’s what they should say. I wish I could tell them
Read more

Why am I participating in November-Lung Cancer Awareness Month?

Image
People with cancer want to make the illness part of their past. However, forgetting is not always attainable. For many patients, cancer lives with them every day as an active disease or in the scars left by treatments. Cancer reminds us when it limits what we can do, and when it appears in our nightmare. Families who have lost loved ones to cancer also can never forget. I am aware of lung cancer every single day of my life. I want to participate in Lung Cancer Awareness Month, not to remind others that I live with a struggle. I am taking part so survivors can live better with the illness. I am also participating in this with the hope that one-day, lung cancer becomes truly a chronic disease. Meanwhile, people need to be aware of lung cancer because anyone can get it. If you have funny symptoms like a long-lasting cough or unusual shortness of breath, see your doctor. People also need to be aware that lung cancer is not a death sentence. There are tons of treatment options
Read more